Missing being Mary Poppins

Thurston has been awake since 2am, and has just fallen asleep at 9.30am. I would normally take advantage of this and lay on the sofa watching TV, but my 5 year old is off school for a teacher training day and is watching The Muppets Take Manhattan. I have that horrible hot, overtired feeling and I don’t know how to shake it off. I’m not just tired from last night’s lack of sleep, I’m tired from the last couple of weeks. Ever since Thurston’s birthday, he has been a little wrecking ball of mayhem. His current favourite TV show is “Ooglies” on the CBBC channel (or as Thurston pronounces it ‘the CBCB channel’). For those who haven’t watched it, it’s an animated series about a collection of fruit, vegetables, kitchen implements, stationery etc which are all alive and have ‘googlie eyes’. Thurston is enamoured with it and has set about collecting all the ‘characters’ from the show. This basically involves him looting fruit and veg from around the house and playing “Ooglies” then hiding the oranges, bananas etc in various places around the lounge for his next game. It’s a risky game in this hot & humid weather and I am now constantly on the lookout for rogue fresh produce. He is particularly keen to get his mitts on my box of eggs and will go to any length to get them, regardless of how dangerous it is. It feels similar to when your baby learns to crawl for the 1st time, and you are suddenly ultra-aware that nothing is safe anymore. I have to be constantly vigilant around him and to be honest, at 4 years old, I’m really irritated by it!

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I had just about got to the point where my house is how I want it to be. It’s not astonishingly neat & tidy, but everything had its’ place and it was easy to clean up and put things away throughout the day. However, Thurston is now so chaotic and unpredictable that within the 1st hour of the day, he has usually hidden marmite toast down the back of the sofa, done some colouring on the fridge, poured formula in his cars toy box, stolen all the fruit from the bowl and scattered it throughout the lounge, and put the iPod touch in the recycling bin. It’s impossible to keep on top of it all and keep the place looking nice.

When I had 2 children, I was so particular about everything. We lived in a little 2 bedroom flat above a shop, and everything was immaculate. The children would play and make their mess, then when the eldest went to nursery and the youngest napped, I would clear everything away and it would look good as new again. I would do activities with them and talk to them all the time, bake with them, take them to the park. It was all very Mary Poppins! It should be possible with 3 children, and of course it is possible, but it seems to take so much more time and energy because of Thurston. I’ve had to completely rethink my standards. Their outfits do not co ordinate anymore. I only attempt to cook with them if there is another adult in the house to be on ‘oven-watch’. I tidy up constantly throughout the day, but I definitely don’t clean it all every day. I have enough trouble keeping on top of the surface dirt of mud, spilt drinks and felt tip, let alone getting out the floor cleaner and furniture polish. I do still hoover everyday but that is only because by the time Thurston has eaten lunch, the floor looks like someone has stamped an entire meal into it and crumbled what ever was left over the top (that’s because that’s exactly what he has done!). I do a big proper clean about once a week so it is clean still, but it’s just not how I’d like it. I’ve had to learn to let go a little bit. If it’s a choice between cleaning behind the sofa or going for a walk along the beach, then I will get out of the house, no question.

It’s not just the house that’s taken a battering lately, but I’ve also learned to accept being permanently embarrassed. We took the kids on a day trip to London at the weekend. We’ve taken them to London before but for various reasons, it was the 1st time we had taken all 3 at the same time. For some reason, it just didn’t work. The older boys were stroppy and whiney, and Thurston was just a complete and utter terror from start to finish. He hated the train, he hated being in the buggy. Despite being knackered, I thought it was fair enough that he didn’t want to be in the buggy and got him out for a walk once we got past Westminster Abbey. This did nothing to help his mood, he got very cross that I tried to hold hands with him, and then became really stressed by the crowds and decided the only option was to take a lie-down in the middle of the pavement which wasn’t exactly ideal. I hoisted him up and he walked a few more metres before lying down again, this time right in front of a horse and guard shouting “Mind out for Thurston!”. I agree, it sounds pretty funny now. I picked him up and he started to shout again, this time he shouted “mummy hurting me” which is a classic he likes to throw out there when there are strangers watching, thanks Thurst!

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Obviously as on any family day out, it poured down with rain. I had brought raincoats for everyone except me naturally and so I was hot, embarrassed and now drenched. We finally made it to St James’ Park and let Thurston roam free which was just what he needed. Due to the rain, there were some incredibly large puddles in the park which were irresistable to Thurston. Once he had stepped in that 1st muddy puddle, there was no going back. He wasn’t dressed appropriately, he was wearing his lovely Clarks shoes instead of wellies, and jeans not waterproofs, but for the 1st time that day he looked genuinely happy. Alex and I let him be, and enjoyed watching him splosh around getting soaked. Some tourists were actually shocked and horrified that we were letting him get so wet but I can honestly say I didn’t care. There was a time when I would’ve cared and probably would have stopped him as soon as his foot hit the water, but I’ve realised that even if you have spent £65 on a train fayre to look at the sights of London, if they end up being happiest when splashing in a colossal puddle, then that is still money well spent. After all, the point of having a family day out is for kids to enjoy themselves. We were probably unprepared for the fact that the final puddle was the puddle to end all puddles and actually Thurston was now up to his knees in grubby park water. We couldn’t even get him out because the puddle was so deep that our shoes would’ve been destroyed. He stayed in that puddle for as long as he wanted to, and I know that he thoroughly enjoyed himself.

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Once we had walked over to Buckingham Palace, Thurston did actually start to get quite distressed that he was so wet and cold. In the past, if it had been one of my other children, I would have looked for a loo or a cafe to sort him out in private. He was screaming and miserable and I have stopped caring what strangers think of me! He stripped off right outside the palace and I can honestly say i wasn’t that fussed. By that point, I just wanted him to be warm and dry and comfortable. By some foresight, I actually had brought some pyjamas with me so I managed to sort him out no problem.

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As for the rest of the week, he has thrown admission forms into someone’s garden and left me foraging in their bushes to find them. He has tried to cut off a Physiotherapist’s finger. He referred to a therapist (persistently) as Nanny. He slapped his new teacher and new teaching assistant round the face for trying to convince him to sit on a carpet. He’s pulled my top down in front of my friends, and he threw my iPhone (which I just had replaced for the 2nd time because of him) into the road. I do sometimes think about the situations he makes me end up in, and I often think to myself “i would only do this for you Thurston”, and it’s really true. I may not be a Mary Poppins-type anymore, but having a child like Thurston has taught me some really valuable life-lessons:

1: Dusting the top of the TV can wait until tomorrow. Build a Mega-Bloks tower instead.

2: It really doesn’t matter if strangers are staring at you. You will never see them again.

3: The kids’ outifts do not need to co ordinate, they just need to withstand stains, falling over and going on the slide.

4: I do still need to pack spare clothes for my child, even though he is 4!

5: Never make firm plans, go with the flow and everyone will be more relaxed.

6: Get out of the house as much as possible. Even if it’s a disaster, you will end up laughing about it. You will never regret going out, but I *often* regret staying in.

7: If your child prefers splashing in muddy puddles/looking at the trees in the breeze/playing a kissing game to going to expensive attractions, don’t be disappointed, be pleased that they are so easily pleased and embrace it. The simple things in life are often the most rewarding!

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Thanks for reading.

Hanj x

Pros and Cons

This week we received the proposed Statement of Educational Needs and although I am very pleased with the result and Thurston will be getting all the help he needs at school, it was a bit of a slap in the face!! Having to apply for a Statement puts you in the unusual and unenviable position of someone sending you paperwork which is basically a critique of your child. Everyone know it’s a bad idea to write a list weighing up the pros and cons of a person, but it is very bad to write a list that only contains cons!! That’s what I got, 85 pages of everything that Thurston can’t do. I can’t imagine any other situation where that would happen, even in school reports, they phrase everything in a positive way. It’s almost unheard of for anyone to send you negative information about your children, and for good reason, because it makes you feel like crap.
Ultimately though, I know that this is what had to be done to get him the help and support that he will need at school. It is just a means to an end, and all the professionals did a really good job of describing Thurston’s problems which I am really grateful for. Even though it was shocking to see a list of skills with a page full of “not at all” ticks, I understand that it is their job to point out all the negatives.
However, I feel it I my job to point out all the positives about Thurston, so here is my very own pros list of skills which he would score highly in!!
-Thurston is brilliant at squeezing people. Proper full on, enthusiastic hugs!
-very talented at spinning round in circles. Has a high threshold for dizziness.
-tidies up his toy cars before we leave the house. Very helpful and neat.
-gives his brothers their coats every morning and their pyjamas every night (this could be interpreted as trying to get rid of them but I am going to assume it is thoughtfulness!)
-eats his dinner every night without any whingeing.
-he is the co-founder of the very funny game “beard attack” and likes to play this with Alex every day, which makes Alex very happy.
-Thurston celebrates every achievement and praises other people when they have achieved something, often telling me “good boy mummy”.
-he is very concerned about other people and doesn’t like to see anyone upset and always asks “what’s the matter?”
-Thurston looks ridiculously adorable in whatever outfits I put him in. He is super cute.
-my little boy knows the name of every single character in Cars, Cars 2 and Cars Toons. There are hundreds of them, he can even group them together according to which scenes they are in.
-After breakfast and lunch, he takes his plate to the kitchen, tips his crusts in the bin and puts his plate in the sink. Again, very helpful and neat.
-the kid’s got rhythm. He sings the tunes of all his favourite songs in perfect time and has very cool taste in music.
-Thurston is an awesome dancer and forces anyone in the house to dance whenever he hears music.
-Thurston can count higher than most 5 year olds. (sadly only a few people can understand his words, but trust me, his number skills are surprisingly good!)
-he is the happiest and most beautiful person I know and makes everybody we know happy just by smiling at them.

So there it is, I’ve done my job and now at least the pros and cons list is evened out!!
Thanks for reading
Hanj x

Keep Fit

It’s been a couple of weeks since I last updated my blog mainly because I’m tired, and to be honest a bit run down. I’ve got under a blanket a couple of times with the intention of writing a new blog, but each time have ended up snoozing or succumbing to the Curb Your Enthusiasm boxset instead. I started to wonder yesterday if this makes me lazy, and I ran through my day in my head and realised how much exercise I had done just by maintaining Thurston all day.

Thurston isn’t particularly heavy, in fact he is on the 0.4th centile on all the growth charts, but there isn’t any element of his day that I don’t have to physically help him with. I pick him up over the stair gate in the morning, carry him downstairs, lift him to change his nappy, dress him, lay him down to drink his formula, put his shoes and coat on him, pick him up and put him in the buggy, push the buggy 30 minutes to nursery, lift him out, take his coat off, walk 30 minutes back again, lift him to put him in the car seat, lift him into his booster seat at the table, carry him up the stairs to bed, and then get up and down (or sometimes just up!) all night with him. It was only this week when I’ve been feeling tired that I realised that usually by the age of 2, I wouldn’t be doing 90% of these tasks for him anymore. It actually is quite physically tiring.

My first feelings were a bit despairing. If I’m this cream-crackered by lugging him around now, what will it feel like next year or the year after if he is still delayed developmentally? I can’t really expect my husband to take the brunt because he’s still recovering from his spinal surgery and I don’t want to risk him having any complications. I’m really not in the mood to nurse him back to health yet again!! I’ve just had to purchase Thurston a new 3-wheeler, pneumatic tyre pushchair because even the tired old buggy was feeling the strain. I’m a pretty tiny person, (4ft11in, very tiny) and so carrying Thurston at 3 years and 10 months is definitely getting tricky. When we are out and about, on the beach, or at the zoo, or even the school run, if he is walking I also have to keep up quite a speed so I can grab him at any moment so that he doesn’t head into the sea or walk out in front of a car. He doesn’t have the slightest sense of danger and so I have to provide that for him and be his protective bubble, which leaves little time for slumping on a bench drinking an iced tea. Thurston even loves to reinact dramatic moments for his own amusement which means that if he was to fall over, he would then throw himself to the ground several more times afterwards to relive it. I think it has something to do with sensory feedback but really it’s just another thing that scares me half to death every day!! There is more cardio and stretching at home too, where as well as the usual tasks, I can often be found underneath the sofa looking for lost dummies or removing the sofa covers and washing them because Thurston has wiped marmite sandwich all over them.

The second thing that came to mind was a feeling of outrage that I’m not slim and toned. Given the amount of lifting, stretching, walking and reaching down the back of the washing machine for missing toy cars I do on a daily basis, I ought to be a lot slimmer than I am. We eat pretty healthily as a family, I love cooking and cookbooks and cookery TV shows. I seem to gravitate towards anything gluten-free, dairy-free, vegan etc despite neither having allergies or being a vegetarian. So I definitely am clued up on food, yet there is a good stone and a half that just *will not* shift. It seems so unreasonable. I don’t even drink alcohol and I’ve completely given up chocolate, I’m such a goody-two-shoes! Yet, I don’t think you’d know it to look at me. Given my outrage, my 1st port of call was unsurprisingly Google, where I found some interesting scientific research about how sleep deprivation can cause your body to retain fat stores to use as energy. I’m fairly certain this explains it! The only problem is, there doesn’t seem to be a great deal I can do about it. This week alone, Thurston and I have pulled 2 all-nighters, and all the other nights, I have got up to see to him between 5-6 times. I seem to be caught in a viscious cycle; if I decrease the amount of food I eat, I will not be able to function. Yet, if I don’t change the way I eat, I am destined to stay apple shaped (at best!) until Thurston sleeps through, which at the moment feels like lightyears away.

In this situation, I have had to have a little word with myself and decided that I am going to stay as I am. I know I am eating well and that all of our meals are balanced and nutritious. I talk a lot about acceptance and loving people for being lovely people, so I need to try my best to direct some of that at myself. I’m not giving myself free-reign to scoff Kettle Chips and Ben & Jerry’s, but I think I am going to continue as I am with my home cooking, salads, fresh pasta and vegan muffins and just accept that this is the shape I am for now. If I was to be living on no sleep whilst drinking Slimfast instead of eating dinner, I’m not convinced my family would enjoy my grumpy company! Today I returned a small stash of Topshop purchases that had been sat in my bedroom with the tags on because I’d foolishly bought things to slim down to. I’ve got a nice giftcard now and I’m going to make sure I spend it on things I can actually wear. Right now. If I try and dress for my current shape, maybe I’ll be a bit happier in myself which will be beneficial to everybody!!

I’ve realised that while Thurston does a great job of keeping me fit and active, he does an even more amazing job of wearing me out to the point where I can’t remember my purse when I go shopping, or I smash my iPhone rushing to help him, and he seems to delight in keeping me up all night afterwards to recite entire episodes of Peppa Pig, including very enthusaistic snorting!

Thanks for reading

Hanj x