Thurston has fled the nest

The summer holidays didn’t really leave me with any time for keeping up to date with the blog so there’s lots of stuff to catch up on. The main piece of news is that Thurston is now a fully functioning full-time school boy!
Back in September we went shopping for school uniform which was a trial in itself as Thurston is roughly the size of a small 2 year old. All his uniform, satchel and lunchbox was ready to go, I just wasn’t entirely convinced that he was! After having 6 weeks away from nursery, it would be fair to say that Thurston had completely forgotten that he ever had to do anything independent from me! To be honest, he’d been a bit of a pain for a lot of the summer. He was fantastic when we kept busy, but the fluctuating weather meant that a lot of the time was spent indoors which was fairly stressful. By the time the new term started, I was more than ready to share the load!

However, the logistics of Thurston starting school were complicated to say the least. My two older children already attend two separate schools due to their ages. Louis is already at junior school and Zeke is in his last year of infant school. I looked into sending Thurston to Zeke’s school but they were very uncooperative when it came to his special needs, and made me feel like it would be a hassle for them to have him. Considering the school where he attended nursery were practically biting my hand off to take him, it seemed like a no-brainer where he should go. I’m not willing to compromise on the way he needs to be looked after and I decided to send him to the school where he was wanted. This meant that I now had the challenge of getting 3 children to 3 schools by 8:50am every day. Thurston’s school is a 35 minute walk away or a 6-7 minute drive plus finding a parking space. I do not drive as yet, however even if I did, it is actually not even possible to do all 3 kids in the car. I recently found this out when Alex had a stomach bug and my mum (my lovely contingency plan) had food poisoning on the same day. My lovely dad stepped in to help but didn’t know where each child’s classroom was so he drove me around to pick them up. Zeke finishes at 3pm, so we got him, hopped in the car and went to get Thurston who finishes at 3:10pm. I was 4 minutes late which was enough to send him into a whack-attack and by the time I arrived he was laying on the floor blubbing away, and his teachers looked fairly bedraggled too! I strapped him into the car seat and got back into the car to drive back and get Louis who finished at 3:15pm so he was the last child in the entire school waiting for a parent. I didn’t feel quite as bad about that as Louis loves a drama and a spot of guilt-tripping, so he was quite thrilled with the turn of events!!

All of this proved to me what I already knew, that the school run for our family is literally impossible for one person, it is a 2 man job. I don’t like to rely on family help as they are my kids and I want to do things myself as much as possible. I call my family when I’m stuck and need a hand, but I didn’t want them to be in charge of school runs and childcare on a daily basis. Alex therefore has had to take a cut in his hours and now works 9:30-2:30 so that he can take and collect Thurston every day. Obviously, this means even less money, which is tricky, but for us, it really is the only option. I have had people in the past make snide comments about me receiving Carer’s Allowance and Thurston receiving DLA, but I think people often don’t realise the financial sacrifices that need to be made to ensure a kid with special needs gets the care that they need. I would have loved nothing more than to take my kids to school together and say goodbye at the school gates like the other mums, but Thurston’s needs had to take priority, which means that we have lost a significant amount of earnings, as well as me losing out on important parts of Thurston’s life.

It is lovely for Alex to take Thurston to school and pick him up every day, but I do feel a bit detached from him now. I was so used to doing absolutely everything for him and now, I don’t even do the basics anymore. He even has his Speech Therapist go to school, so his one-to-one is doing his therapy with him. I know I sound like a crazy, over-protective mum, but I’m honestly a little bit jealous of his one-to-one!! He does things for her, he has never done for me. She said he can spell his name in magnets, she even got him to make a pizza! He has recently started talking in little sentences every so often, and people are telling me how well he must be doing at school to have come on so quickly. What about the 4 years I was taking him to 3 therapy appointments every week and taking him to Makaton courses???! Don’t I deserve even a tiny scrap of credit?! The final straw came the other day when I said to him “do you love mummy?” (usually greeted with a firm “oh yes”) only to be slapped in the face with “no, I love Mrs W!”. That one hurt.

I have become secretly pleased and ever so slightly smug when Thurston has little acts of defiance at school. Most mums would be happy to hear that their child has learnt 3 phonics sounds especially a child with special needs. However, I have become so warped with the situation that I am much happier when I hear that he has thrown a big tub of magnets over the carpet or has done a massive fart while they have story time. They are small but significant victories for me!

Of course, in my right mind, I am absolutely thrilled that Thurston has settled in so well to his new school, and the transition was a hell of a lot smoother than I had anticipated. The school could not be more helpful or understanding of  Thurston and his needs, and are actually managing to give him an education at the same time as covering his care and social needs, which is remarkable. It is the best school we could have chosen for him and I know he will do well there, and that it was worth all the financial and emotional sacrifices. It would just be nice if every once in a while he had a little cry that he missed me, just for my mum-ego!!

 

Thurston loves his robots!!

I really love a new bag. It doesn’t matter whether it is a lovely handbag, a new suitcase, a purse or even a crisp new canvas shopping bag. There’s something really satisfying about using a new bag. My children are all just like me. They love nothing more than to get a new bag and fill it with all of their favourite treasured possessions. With 3 boys, finding nice bags can be a challenge, and more often than not, backpacks either come covered in tacky cartoon characters like Ben 10 or plastered with footballs. I like the kids to have things that are a lit bit more child-like and unique.

With Thurston starting school, there was a whole new bag-finding opportunity. The lovely people over at Pink Lining sent Thurston the most beautiful and adorable Robbie the Robot Picture Rucksack. I couldn’t have chosen a more perfect bag for Thurston to start school life with. The backpack is shaped like the classic school satchel, but with 2 straps so that it can be worn on the back which makes it much easier for little Thurston.

One of the best features of this backpack is the picture window. There is a clear plastic window on the front of the bag which can be used to keep a name label in so that kids know it is their bag, or to proudly display their latest masterpiece of art that they have worked on at school that day. Because of Thurston’s Autism, I was worried he was going to struggle to identify his bags in amongst all the other childrens’ bags at school. However, the Pink Lining Picture Backpack is so unique and gorgeous that it will be easy to spot in a crowd, and if he still struggles, he will be able to see his picture and name in the picture window.

The Pink Lining products are beautiful quality and Thurston is really lucky to have such a lovely gift from them. It suits him so well and the pattern is classic and cute. The bag opens and closes using velcro which is easy for little hands to master. There is a mesh pocket on the inside to help organise school things. The front of the bag is made from 100% cotton poplin EVA laminate which is  simple to wipe-clean with a damp cloth, which will keep it looking lovely and fresh, and good as new.

I couldn’t be happier with his fab little backpack and it makes me excited to think off him toddling off to school in a couple of weeks with these little robots on his back to keep him company!

Thanks for reading!

Hanj x

www.pinklining.co.uk

Special stuff for school

As usual the Summer holidays are flying by much too fast for me to keep up and I am starting to focus my attention on making sure I get all the ‘back to school’ stuff sorted fairly early on to avoid disappointment/stressful last minute shopping trips!

Something I was envious of at the school gates last year was children that had personalised bags and lunchboxes. I’ve never been good with sewing on labels or keeping things neat. I buy a laundry marker every September and try to squeeze their names on to their stuff wherever I can scrawl it. This inevitably ends in the ink bleeding so that the writing is unreadable and then I feel awkward whenever the teacher comes out to give another ‘please make sure that all items are clearly labelled’ speech, knowing full well that it is probably aimed at me!

This year I am much more on top of things thanks to an amazing internet company called Stuck On You. The very friendly people there offered me the chance to order some amazing Back To School goodies for the kids to get them all excited for the new term, and to help me feel more organised! Louis and Zeke (8 & 5) were really eager to help pick out their own items and joined me in checking out the website which was really easy to use and had a massive amount of choice and options. The boys also helped me to choose a couple of items for Thurston for his first term at Primary school.

As Thurston has Autism, he is a long way off reading and so I think that these personalised items really help him to memorise what his name looks like without having to read it. The fact that his name appears alongside a little picture helps too as I can ask him to find his ‘fox lunchbox’ or ‘boat bag’.

Louis has been asking for a new school bag for a long time and in particular was hoping to get a messenger style bag to wear across his body. He chose a navy blue Book Bag with a London Bus design (http://www.stuckonyou.co.uk/kids-backpack-lunchboxes/book-bags.html). It is made of durable canvas fabric which is great as Louis does like to carry around the entire contents of Paperchase, and is lined with lovely blue stripy fabric which is easy to wipe clean.

Zeke wanted a new backpack instead of his old school logo book bag which was falling apart at the seams. He decided on a red Backpack with a Zzzap Alien on the front (http://www.stuckonyou.co.uk/kids-backpack-lunchboxes/backpacks.html). The backpack is amazing and so much better than anything you could buy in the shops. It is really quite big and has a total of  7 pockets in different shapes and sizes, so Zeke will be able to fit anything he could ever need in there and keep all his art and homework safe. The red is lovely and bright, and the red stripy fabric on the inside is really sweet. The quality of the backpack is fantastic and Zeke is over the moon with it.

For Thurston, I ordered a few practical items that he needs for school. First of all, the all-important lunchbox! I chose him a lovely red Lunchbox with a cute Woodland Fox design above his name (http://www.stuckonyou.co.uk/kids-backpack-lunchboxes/lunchboxes.html) . I think this will be really easy for him to spot. The lunchbox has a brilliant reflective, water resistant lining which will also keep his lunch cool until he is ready to eat it. It has a mesh pocket inside and an extra pocket on the front which is ideal for a napkin! He also needed a bag for his PE kit and so I ordered the navy blue Library Bag with the Pirate ship design (http://www.stuckonyou.co.uk/kids-backpack-lunchboxes/library-bags.html) . The drawstring bag is perfect for PE as it is easy to open and close and big enough for his kit and trainers.

I have also finally ordered some name labels which I am really excited to use. No more laundry marker scribble for me! Thurston has an Artist Series pack of Clothing Labels which includes 55 personalised iron-on labels in various sizes, colours and designs. I chose the Zzzap Alien theme which is adorable (http://www.stuckonyou.co.uk/name-labels-kids-school/artist-series/artist-series-name-labels/artist-series-name-labels.html), and I can’t wait to iron them all on when I have bought all of his little uniform.

I cannot recommend Stuck On You highly enough. The items we received are really top quality and the kids were thrilled when they opened the parcel full of goodies. This is a great start to my ‘back to school’ shopping and I’m really looking forward to September and walking them to school with their lovely personalised bags!

Thanks for reading!

Hanj x

http://www.stuckonyou.co.uk (ps. I just went on the site and they currently have free postage!)

Home page – http://www.stuckonyou.co.uk/

Facebook – www.facebook.com/stuckonyouofficial

Twitter – www.twitter.com/stuckonyoutweet

Summer and Broccoli

Last Friday, my very nice husband Alex (here is his blog www.neveranythingon.wordpress.com) turned 32. Last year when he turned 31, he had come out of hospital a day earlier from his 1st spinal surgery. Since then he has had a day surgery steroid epidural, and this January, he had a major operation to fuse his spine with various pieces of metal and donated bone. I’m so happy with how well he’s done from last birthday to this birthday, he really deserves some recognition for being able to keep smiling, hardly ever complaining and most of all, managing to still do as much as possible with all of the children while he was in so much pain. I’m not sure I could have done it! We celebrated with an Olympic themed party, the opening ceremony, an Indian takeaway and a very large homemade chocolate cake (recipe from The Primrose Bakery Cookbook!). Luckily, Thurston slept through the whole thing so we had a lovely time with the older children which was much needed.

The whole time Alex was laid up with his back, he had been planning to have a tattoo done of the Eiffel Tower. It means such a lot to us as we spent our honeymoon in Paris almost 7 years ago, and it was one of the only holidays we had as a couple without children. The other one was a completely bizarre trip to Cologne in Germany with a very strange family!! Paris was incredible and has such lovely memories for us, I’m hoping to take the children there next year when I (reluctantly) turn 30! A couple of weeks ago, Alex finally had his tattoo done. He booked in with our good friend Dan Frye in his amazing tattoo studio in Margate (www.signsoftime.co.uk), and he did a fantastic job! I took the kids for lunch with some more lovely friends and my sister while he had it done, and he looked so happy when he came and joined us. It might sound silly to be so excited over a tattoo, but when you’ve been forced to be in pain and have some fairly gruesome scars to show for it, I think it’s a really great feeling when you can finally choose what you actually want on your body!

Since it is now the Summer holidays, we have been fairly busy, since every mum knows that the key to surviving the school holidays is “DO NOT STAY IN THE HOUSE!”. I took the children to the brand new Tracey Emin exhibition at the Turner Contemporary in Margate which we completely loved. I am a massive Tracey Emin fan anyway being a Margate-girl myself and it is so exciting that she has put together this exhibition just for our little town. Thurston actually slept the entire time which was a bit disappointing as he has enjoyed all our previous trips to the gallery. I know a lot of people get very nervous about taking Autistic children to art galleries or museums, but I would strongly encourage people to give it a try, as you might be pleasantly surprised. Thurston likes any exhibits with video installations, and was really interested in Turner’s paintings of volcanoes and even commented that they looked “hot”! A lot of galleries and museums are free entry or simply ask for a donation, so you are not losing anything by giving it a go.

Since we do live by the seaside, a lot of our Summer holidays is based on the beach. From June until September, my house is covered with a layer of sand that I never seem to be able to get rid of completely! At the moment, I would have to admit that going to the beach is not something I am very confident with doing by myself just yet. Thurston is completely inspired by the beach which is wonderful, but also means that he will see that he has complete freedom and no boundaries, and make a run for it, whether it is to the next beach on the coastline or through the water to France. He takes up so much of my energy and attention at the beach that it makes it really difficult for me to focus on my other 2 children. In the school holidays, I do struggle with a little bit of guilt at not being able to divide my time fairly among them and I think they must find it very frustrating too. Luckily for me, last week a friend of mine was renting a beach hut near my house with her family and invited me to join them for a day. I took the kids down by myself as Alex was working, and I’m so glad I did as the kids had the best time. We dumped our stuff at the hut and the kids made a beeline straight for the unusually warm water. Thurston was in his element splashing in the water and was so brave walking into water as deep as his chest. Louis and Zeke played with my friends’ children and their Dad who was so incredibly helpful pulling them around in an inflatable boat singing the theme song from “Jake and the Neverland Pirates”. Thurston even sat in the boat for a while, and was so delighted, I wish I could have captured the look on his little face. The children were so well looked after that I felt more than happy leaving them to play while I went back to the hut to warm Thurston up. It was a perfect Summery day!

Even though it is the holidays, Thurston’s therapy is still ongoing. He graduated his little ‘school starters’ group which was brilliant, and really helpful for him. He is now on a 6 week block of speech therapy to try and start him on some new techniques that he will continue with when he starts school in September. He was a little bit frustrated at the first appointment last week as Louis and Zeke had to come with us and were allowed to play in the playground of the Child Development Centre while he was hard at work. He did really well though and worked very hard. His ability to focus on a task has improved so much over the last year and he sat for 20 minutes without sitting on my lap. It’s still quite hard to see him struggle with concepts that come so naturally to most children. Every single aspect of language needs to be taught to him manually and at the moment, it does seem like an enormous task. The new technique involves colour coding the type of word to try to eventually enable him to have a proper conversation. It uses visual aids which are colour coded eg. pink for a person, green for a describing word, blue for a thing etc. It seems quite complicated at the moment, but hopefully he will get the hang of it and we will soon be able to have a chat! Once his session had finished, I sent him to the playground with his Dad and brothers while i sorted out some paperwork. I helped the assistant to compile a “manual” about Thurston to tell anyone who comes into contact with him at school all about his likes and dislikes and how to talk to him. It made me realise how much of an advocate I am for Thurston, and how much more involved in his school life I will need to be to find out how he is doing. One of the best parts of kids starting school is when they tell you what they have been up to (once they have stopped telling you they can’t remember or that it was boring and they did nothing all day!). It does make me incredibly sad to think that I won’t have that with Thurston and I will have to rely on what the teachers and assistants tell me instead. This is particularly worrying now that he has learned to tell me to “shutup”. Whenever he doesn’t want to talk to me (or wants to make everyone laugh) he yells “shutup, shutup mummy shutup”. I can just picture it now when we are leaving school “did you have a nice day Thurston?” “shutup mummy!”.

Another delightful habit the boys have taught him is to make a fart noise whenever they ask him what noise his bottom makes. Aren’t boys great? They have clearly cottoned on to the fact that you can make Thurston say whatever you want and he is now their own personal parrot, ready to amuse them whenever they are bored. Mind you, I suppose it is some way to compensating them for all the times he has whacked them on the head or smashed their toys. This last fortnight, Thurston has also taken to carrying a large head of raw broccoli wherever he goes. Thurston has never been attached to a particular toy or cuddly animal but “Broccoli” is now a firm best friend and they cannot be parted. At first he was satisfied with toy vegetables until he came to the supermarket with us and realised that actual vegetables were much more realistic! After screaming for 2 aisles after the fruit & veg section for “Broccoli”, I made Alex turn back to go and get some in the hope that this was the start of a healthy eating initiative. He held “Broccoli” all the way round the supermarket and was catatonic when I broke the news that the cashier would need to scan it. Since then, “Broccoli” has been everywhere with us. He eats breakfast with “Broccoli”, watches TV with “Broccoli”, takes “Broccoli” in the garden, cuddles “Broccoli”, packs “Broccoli” in a little lunchbox to keep him safe. After about a week, “Broccoli” began to turn yellow and fall apart and generally looked pretty grim. I tried to entice Thurston with a possible new friend “Onion” but he was having none of it. A fresh “Broccoli” was bought and secretly swapped overnight and now “Broccoli” has had a lovely makeover and looks beautiful. I wonder how long I will keep having to buy replacement broccolis for………

 

Thanks for reading!

Hanj x

Soldiering on!

The last couple of weeks have been very varied to say the least. Last week I was struck down with horrible Tonsillitis on top of hayfever, on top of a cold. It was pretty nasty. When I say struck down, that’s not to suggest I actually lay down at any point, in fact, it was one of the busiest weeks I’d had for a long time and there wasn’t any time for me to have a rest. I know that all mums have the problem that they can’t really take a “day off” as such when they are unwell, and have to carry on regardless. I do think though that having a child with disabilities makes it even harder. If it was a case of taking him to a toddler group at the local children’s centre then obviously I would have just changed my plans and stayed at home with a DVD to entertain Thurston. Unfortunately, last week coincided with an appointment with a continence nurse, Thurston’s Physio and Occupational therapy group, a Team Around the Child Meeting for his transition to school, his parent teacher consultation at nursery and a Speech therapy session. I didn’t really have any choice in the matter and had to stick to all these appointments to make sure that Thurston didn’t miss out on any help or support. Of course, this meant that I was a complete wreck by the end of the week, not helped by the fact that Thurston’s sleep is dire at the moment. On average, he is going to sleep around 9pm, waking for formula at 10-11pm and getting up for the day between 1-3am! It’s not really enough to get by on, but even less so when you have infected angry tonsils!!

The appointments generally went well this week and everything seemed very positive. I was really reassured by the visit from the continence nurse. She decided that due to his age and diagnosis, Thurston’s lack of awareness in the potty training area was within the normal ranges. As with many milestones with Thurston, he is expected to get the hang of potty training at his own pace, even if it is later than neurotypical children. I’m so pleased i don’t have to push the issue as I really struggle with potty training at the best of times and I had absolutely no clue of how to approach it with an Autistic child. For now, we are going to carry on with pull-ups but encourage him to use the potty or toilet if he asks. The nurse also helped me to claim for free pull-ups for Thurston which is a service available to any child who is over the age of 4 and still using nappy products due to disabilities. It’s not really a topic that people like to discuss and it did involve a lengthy chat about Thurston’s poo-type where I had to choose from a brochure of pictures of other peoples’ poo! I hope one day Thurston will appreciate all the bizarre things I end up doing for him! Even though it’s embarrassing, I’d encourage anyone whose disabled child is delayed with toilet training to get in touch with a continence nurse. I feel as though a weight has been lifted just by talking to someone ‘in the know’ about it.

Thurston and I have been going to a ‘School Starter’s’ Physio and Occupational therapy group for 4 weeks now at the Child Development Centre. I’m so pleased with the progress he is making there and it’s really giving me confidence that he will be OK at school in September. His gross motor skills are coming along nicely and he is actually jumping on the trampoline really well with both feet in the air at the same time which is a triumph! To start with I dreaded going to this group to be honest. I’m not really a baby-group type person, and struggle with the enforced singing and nursery rhymes. However, I’ve started to really enjoy it now and it’s so lovely to see how proud the children are of themselves when they achieve something they couldn’t do the previous week. The parents there are the complete opposite of ‘competitive’ parents and it’s lovely and refreshing for everyone to be happy for another child’s achievements instead of comparing them. There’s no point in comparing them because they all have different disabilities and different strengths and weaknesses, and all the mums realise this and are happy for the other children regardless of their own child’s abilities. I think this is a really important lesson in motherhood, because even in children without disabilities, they all do things in their own time, and being competitive about raising children really can make motherhood miserable. I think everyone should come and visit our little group one day to see how it’s possible to be happy and proud of other peoples’ kids!!

The Team Around the Child meeting at the school was much easier than I expected and my voice held up for the whole time which was lucky! I’d written down some questions on my iPhone before we went in so that I didn’t get too flustered in front of all the people. There was our Key Worker (who has now OFFICIALLY closed our case so no need for her to be at the next one!), the Specialist Teacher, Welfare Officer, Inclusion Leader, Nursery Teacher, Head of Key Stage 1 and Thurston’s new one to one Teaching Assistant for September. It was lovely that Alex could make it too, as he was laid up from his 2nd spinal surgery last time and  I had to go it alone! All our questions were answered about his starting school in September and I don’t have any major worries about it at the moment. The only thing I might struggle with is encouraging him to eat fruit over the Summer so that he will be able to eat some at school snack times! His Organix gingerbread men might tempt the other children away from the grapes and carrots! I do worry that people think I don’t want Thurston to eat healthily when it’s completely the opposite. I spend most of my time worrying over his nutrition, and even took an Open University course last year to try and learn more so I could help him. I make sure he has his specially fortified formula and prescribed vitamins every day, but he really struggles with foods that aren’t dry and boring. I know this is true of lots of little ones with Autism and it is a worry. I try to make his chicken goujons and beefburgers homemade whenever possible, but I am really struggling with encouraging him to be more adventurous with his food. Since he has had medical issues with his swallowing as well, I do wonder if he will ever move on to different textures of food, and I’m not really sure where to look for advice.

Thurston had a great time at his Speech Therapy appointment and steamed through all of his tasks without a hitch. It did occur to me that since he’s been having Speech Therapy from the age of 1, that he has simply learned ‘how to do speech therapy’! I’m no expert, but I wonder if because he’s been doing the same tasks over and over for years in the same room, if perhaps he has actually just memorized the routine of the speech therapy sessions!! Most of his talking and phrases come from copying others, and is very echolalic, so maybe he has mastered speech therapy in the same way?! How sneaky!

After the busy and poorly week, I could have done with a weekend in bed, but instead I soldiered on to London for the day on Saturday to celebrate my best friend’s Hen Day. I took every tablet I could get my hands on, and it was definitely worth it! It was quite a relief to be away from the children for a day actually, and somehow even though we went all over London to Kentish Town, Bloomsbury and the South Bank, went bowling and to a circus, I feel like I got more rest that day than I had all week. We had a fantastic day and it all went without a hitch which I was pleased with as Maid of Honour! It was quite nice to just be me for a day instead of a mum, and chat about all kinds of nonsense with some lovely girls. The Cantina vintage circus on the South Bank was really magical and right up my street. I’m so glad I forced myself to go, and even though my tonsils didn’t thank me for it, my mind certainly did and I felt really invigorated afterwards!

The rest of this week has mostly been spent taking care of Thurston as he has been what I can only describe as ‘iffy and suspicious’! He hasn’t got a temperature or been sick or anything but he just looks ‘off-colour’. His eyes are sore and he has a mouthful of ulcers which are really upsetting him. It has also been 5 days now since he last did a poo so that can’t be nice! He has been really distressed and keeps sobbing whilst muttering “what’s goin on?”, it’s terribly sad.

Tomorrow he is going to spend the day with his Dad who is something of an expert at baby massage and so I am sure he can get the poop out of him!! I am going to take my Driving Theory Test which I have zero confidence that I will pass, but it’s worth a shot! Wish me luck!!

Thanks for reading,

Hanj x

Happy Hedgehogs

I’ve been searching for a while now for a sensory toy for Thurston to try and steer him away from being so attached to the label on his pillow, which isn’t really very portable! I’ve tried him with taggies, comfort blankets etc but he hasn’t really taken to anything. I discovered a lovely range of sensory toys on www.mushroomandco.com and they very kindly sent Thurston the adorable Hunter the Hedgehog to try out. It is made of 100% organic natural rubber and painted with non-toxic food-grade dyes. I was really relieved by how natural the product is as Thurston instantly puts all of his toys in his mouth and I regularly find scarpings of paint coming off of the toys and into his mouth.

Hunter the Hedgehog has lots of lovely rubber ‘spikes’ all over his back which Thurston loved straight away. He likes to rub him on his face and be tickled with him. He also likes to squeeze the hedgehog and listen to the satisfying squeaky sound.

It has been mentioned to us that it might be useful for Thurston to have a small toy to take to school to ‘fiddle’ with during quiet times such as registration and assembly. Apparently, using a small sensory toy can help keep Autistic children calm in situations where they otherwise might get stressed out. I think that Hunter the Hedgehog will be perfect for this.

Mushroom & Co have loads of different animals in their sensory toy range and they are also fantastic for teething as the rubber texture is really soothing for sore gums. Thurston loves the sensation of chewing on Hunter the Hedgehog and it has definitely had a calming effect on him.

All the toys from Mushroom & Co are really adorable and beautifully natural, as well as being very simple to keep clean. I will definitely be buying more of their toys in the future, and Hunter the Hedgehog is excited to start school with Thurston this September!!

Thanks for reading!

Hanj x

Pros and Cons

This week we received the proposed Statement of Educational Needs and although I am very pleased with the result and Thurston will be getting all the help he needs at school, it was a bit of a slap in the face!! Having to apply for a Statement puts you in the unusual and unenviable position of someone sending you paperwork which is basically a critique of your child. Everyone know it’s a bad idea to write a list weighing up the pros and cons of a person, but it is very bad to write a list that only contains cons!! That’s what I got, 85 pages of everything that Thurston can’t do. I can’t imagine any other situation where that would happen, even in school reports, they phrase everything in a positive way. It’s almost unheard of for anyone to send you negative information about your children, and for good reason, because it makes you feel like crap.
Ultimately though, I know that this is what had to be done to get him the help and support that he will need at school. It is just a means to an end, and all the professionals did a really good job of describing Thurston’s problems which I am really grateful for. Even though it was shocking to see a list of skills with a page full of “not at all” ticks, I understand that it is their job to point out all the negatives.
However, I feel it I my job to point out all the positives about Thurston, so here is my very own pros list of skills which he would score highly in!!
-Thurston is brilliant at squeezing people. Proper full on, enthusiastic hugs!
-very talented at spinning round in circles. Has a high threshold for dizziness.
-tidies up his toy cars before we leave the house. Very helpful and neat.
-gives his brothers their coats every morning and their pyjamas every night (this could be interpreted as trying to get rid of them but I am going to assume it is thoughtfulness!)
-eats his dinner every night without any whingeing.
-he is the co-founder of the very funny game “beard attack” and likes to play this with Alex every day, which makes Alex very happy.
-Thurston celebrates every achievement and praises other people when they have achieved something, often telling me “good boy mummy”.
-he is very concerned about other people and doesn’t like to see anyone upset and always asks “what’s the matter?”
-Thurston looks ridiculously adorable in whatever outfits I put him in. He is super cute.
-my little boy knows the name of every single character in Cars, Cars 2 and Cars Toons. There are hundreds of them, he can even group them together according to which scenes they are in.
-After breakfast and lunch, he takes his plate to the kitchen, tips his crusts in the bin and puts his plate in the sink. Again, very helpful and neat.
-the kid’s got rhythm. He sings the tunes of all his favourite songs in perfect time and has very cool taste in music.
-Thurston is an awesome dancer and forces anyone in the house to dance whenever he hears music.
-Thurston can count higher than most 5 year olds. (sadly only a few people can understand his words, but trust me, his number skills are surprisingly good!)
-he is the happiest and most beautiful person I know and makes everybody we know happy just by smiling at them.

So there it is, I’ve done my job and now at least the pros and cons list is evened out!!
Thanks for reading
Hanj x

Joined At The Hip

My husband published the newest edition of his blog this morning (http://wp.me/p1Pkq9-a0) and it contained my favourite ever song “The Ice is Getting Thinner” by Death Cab for Cutie. I had a listen to it when i woke up and it has left me feeling all sentimental, so forgive me if this week’s blog is a bit soppy!

Last week, we got Thurston’s school place offer. He has been offered a place at the school where he attends nursery which is exactly what I wanted. In fact, I didn’t put down any other options as I’m certain that he belongs there. The school is really helpful and understanding with Thurston’s needs, and more than that, they just seem to genuinely really like him and want him to be happy. Him being happy is all that matters to me. As happy as I am that he is going to the school we carefully chose for him, it has raised a few issues for me, not least of which how I’m going to get 3 children to 3 different schools and back every day, currently without the use of a car. If anyone has any ideas on this, please let me know because I am still puzzled!

Apart from the practicalities, the official-ness of Thurston’s imminent school days is very unsettling for me. I have packed 2 kids off to school before (including one who only turned 4 a week before he started), and honestly, it hasn’t affected me. I knew they would be fine and they were. I was confident that I had raised them to be polite, sweet little boys with no qualms about dobbing in any horrible brats who so much as give them a nasty look. So far, I have been proved right, they are proper little telltale, suck-up, teachers’ pets just as I had hoped. Now that Thurston is abandoning me, I’m starting to feel a bit weird about it.

I always assumed that when I shipped the 3rd baby off to school that I would start to feel broody for another baby, in fact I’m always about 25% broody. However, now that it’s here, that’s not how I feel at all. I’m not broody for another baby because it wouldn’t be Thurston. Thurston feels like he is an extension of me and a lot of the time I feel like I am the only person who understands what he is thinking and how he works. With my other children, I worked 22 hours a week and shared childcare with my husband, so I knew that they were happy and understood with a variety of other people. However, once Thurston was born, I ended up as a housewife/stay-at-home/full-time mum or whatever people call it these days! On top of this, Thurston obviously had a very high, constant need for care and attention, so I’ve always felt (probably overly) clingy to him. Because his lack of communication skills, it is hard for me to trust anyone with him for more than a couple of hours because they might not know that he prefers to watch YouTube in the reflection in the oven, or that he doesn’t want to play with his toy cars, he just wants to put them all back in their original packaging over and over again. Therefore, T & I have been joined at the hip for the last 3 years and 10 months. I know him inside out and despite having little in the way of speech, he is delightful company.

Since it was my birthday 2 days ago (I turned 29 NOT 30!), I’ve been having a think about the last few years and whether things happened for a reason. I’m not sure if I believe in fate, but in 2007, I lost a baby 12 weeks into pregnancy. Looking back on it now, losing the baby meant that I was given Thurston. I wouldn’t have had him if I hadn’t lost the other little one. In a weird way, I feel like I was meant to be his mum, because no one else could be. He is a complete and utter pain in the bum a lot of the time but he is also the funniest, most adorable, creative person I’ve ever met. I am probably ever-so-slightly biased, but Thurston Jonas is truly the most beautiful little boy I have ever seen. His eyelashes are so long that grown women are jealous of him, he looks effortlessly cool in whatever clothes I dress him in, and he has the shiniest golden hair. He is a dream! I might be being selfish, but I don’t want to share him for 6 hours a day, 5 days a week and I might just indulge in a little sulk about it!!!

When my older children come home from school, I am given the low-down on their days. They love to shower me with the gossip of which kids have been in trouble, who has got weird new shoes, what all the other kids got for Christmas. They also tell me everything that they’ve been up to that day (albeit after I have bribed them with custard creams). The hardest thing about the prospect of sending Thurston to school is the likelihood that I won’t know what he’s been up to. There will be 30 hours of every week where I won’t know what he has been doing because he won’t be able to fill me in. At the moment, we have a home contact book from nursery but I’m not sure if that will continue into reception year. Even if it does, I know it won’t contain the level of detail that I need to be happy!! Added to this is the uncertainty of having a child with special needs go to school. I’m hoping that by keeping him at the same place where he goes to nursery will mean that the children there will grow used to him and his peculiar ways and so hopefully he won’t take too much flack for it. The Statementing decision is also due next week, which is probably adding to my anxiety about the situation. I take comfort from the fact that Thurston is now incredibly assertive and if he is unhappy or not getting the level of attention he needs, I’ve no doubt that he will make his feelings known, even if it is by yelling or headbutting whoever’s nearest to him. He works with what he’s got!

Another side to my little buddy moving on, is what on earth am I going to do with myself? I have been at home for the last 4 years, going to speech therapy, physio, hospital appointments. I’ve spent my days teaching Thurston how to eat and say “hello” to people. I don’t know how to be normal. I suppose the ‘normal’ thing to do would be returning to work, but I need to find something that is more flexible than just being within school hours. If I have a job, I need to be able to leave at the drop of a hat, in case Thurston has a sudden temperature or has hit someone in the face with a cow-bell. I’m suddenly realising that being someone’s Carer as well as their parent means you never stop being on call. Hopefully, I will be able to find a couple of things that I can fit around being Thurston’s everything, perhaps working from home. Living in my little Thurston-bubble has meant I’ve forgotten how to be a normal woman. I definitely need to sort that out and even though it’s scary, I am a bit excited about being Hannah again, instead of “Thurston’s mum”!

Since I’m being nostalgic, here’s a few photos of me and my baby! Thanks for reading. Let me know how you all got on with the transition to school! Hanj x